Updated: Jan 21
Hyper-independency is a trauma response. From years of being emotionally neglected, one learns how to be independent, well, because one must in order to survive.
Most of us hear, from therapists and certain leading experts that this isn't healthy. As a species, we need others for support and survival. But what if being hyper-independent is a great thing and actually be beneficial to us in some ways?
I grew up in an emotionally neglected household and developed coping mechanisms to survive. I spent a lot of time alone, became incredibly attuned to energy and people's emotions (how I developed my Psychic abilities), and was incredibly observant of my surroundings.
For years I have been hyper-independent (and still am to an extent) and throughout my healing journey had to learn healthier ways to regulate my nervous system, learned that receiving was not a threat to my survival, and learned to open my heart to new love and experiences.
But at my core, I am a leader and still very independent. I look at it as a superpower.
Being hyper-independent teaches you valuable life skills and we aren't as lonely as people think. In fact, we tend to genuinely love our own company. There are many benefits to being hyper-independent.
Here are 4 benefits that I have personally experienced being so unique.
1. We Learn to Master our Thoughts
Healing is unlearning. Unlearning what you learned in your childhood. Unlearning ways of thinking that were ingrained in you by your parents. Learning that your thoughts are not your own, they come from outside of you and you have to learn new thoughts, which are more conducive to your spiritual and emotional health. Your parent's way of thinking is not the only way. So you learn to master your thoughts. Change your thoughts. Change how you feel.
2. We understand our triggers
We understand ourselves so well that we know that a trigger has nothing to do with what is happening in the present moment but rather an "energetic poke" that has triggered us to feel a past trauma or experience in order to heal it. Understanding why something bothers us is the key to healing. A moment is only triggering because it is familiar to our body. Without triggers we can't learn these deep spiritual lessons, heal our past and reconnect with our higher self and shift our vibration to a state of love, peace, and serenity.
So when you are triggered, stay curious. Your triggers are little nuggets of energy pushing you towards a more aligned you.
3. We are a master at self-reflection
I was always in trouble, or so it felt like it. I was always anticipating something "bad" going to happen. I now know that my nervous system was extremely dysregulated. At the beginning of my healing journey I would become very curious: Why was I feeling this way? How can I change? Where are these thoughts, emotions, and triggers coming from? How can I feel happy and at peace?
Thus began my journey, doing a lot of self-reflection, questioning my thoughts, and learning why I was the way I was. I have spent most of my life alone, so it only became natural to start with a lot of self-therapy. What is now known to be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Trauma release techniques, Hypnosis, and a lot of Self-Love, I did it all through self-reflection, way before you could Google this. I became a new person.
Self-awareness is a key pillar of the healing journey. How can we start to become someone different if we have no idea who we are right now? -Karolina Mankowski
Everything starts with you, and thus change has to start the same way.
What started as "This is all my fault" to now "How can I help myself?"
4. We have an "I'll figure it out!" attitude
A hyper-independent person is one of the most self-reliant people you will ever meet. We figure everything out on our own. Naturally coming from spending so much time alone and observing the world with all of our senses, our 6th sense being our strongest.
We had no choice. We had to do this to survive and create our own sense of safety. This builds self-trust and a deep understanding of one's self, knowing your limitations. Well for us, we don't believe in limitations because we believe anything is achievable.
It does feel good knowing that I will always be ok. I can always count on myself and at the end of the day, everything will be ok because of the trust I have in myself. If the Universe put something in your path then it will give you the strength to get through it as well.
Is there a right or wrong way of navigating through life? Why are some personality characteristics considered "good" whilst others are "bad"? We spend most of our lives trying to figure out who we are when some of us know ourselves so well that we no longer look for permission to be authentic. We lose ourselves without our authenticity. A life lost is not a life lived.
Karolina is a Self-Love Coach guiding others on their Spiritual Journey. Ready to commit to a new you? Reach out today: Contact | Karolina Mankowski